“I have been thinking recently about choices and their
consequences. Scarcely an hour of the day goes by but what we are called upon
to make choices of one sort or another. Some are trivial, some more
far-reaching. Some will make no difference in the eternal scheme of things, and
others will make all the difference (President Thomas S. Monson, “The
Three Rs of Choice”, General Conference October 2010).”
Our choices affect us. They affect our family. They shape
and create who we are and who we become. Some choices are trivial while others
make lasting impressions that affect ourselves and those around us. I
personally have suffered rejection and betrayal from the selfish choices of
someone else. I am a victim of infidelity and have had to overcome the
struggles of being a single mother to a young baby because my husband chose others
over the person he claimed he would love and protect the most.
My husband's choices
forced me into a new reality that I did not want to accept. I couldn’t be
divorced and a single mom at the age of 21. One minute my life seemed so
perfect and the next it was flipped completely upside down. I spent countless
nights crying and praying, asking why did this happen? How could this have
happened? When did I stop being enough? I never received the answers to these
questions and I don’t know if I ever will. The only person who could answer
them is the one that chose to turn away from his family and I don’t know if he
can even answer them. He got caught up in the temptations of the world and he
lost his fight with Satan. The choices that my husband made will haunt me and
our daughter forever. It has been over a year since that night that he chose
another over his family and I can still feel the effects from it. He not only
chose someone else once but he continued to choose that person and many others over
and over.
The feelings of betrayal, rejection, heartache, fear and anger
that come from infidelity are so overwhelming they can be crushing. They are feelings I never
thought that I would have to experience. They are feelings I didn’t know I
could possess. The only thing that brought me comfort during that dark time was
my sweet innocent baby. She was only six months old when my husband and I
separated. She knew something wasn’t quite right but she was a constant ray of
sunshine. She was the only thing that could get me out of bed when the
heartache was too much to bear. She was the only one that could make me smile
when I didn’t think I would be able to manage a smile ever again. Without her I
would still be struggling to get up in the morning with a purpose, I would
still be holding onto a relationship that was broken beyond repair. She gave me
the strength and courage to make a choice that would allow us to move on and
have a life full of happiness.
The months following our separation were months mostly
filled with darkness. They were months full of lies and deceit but there were
also moments filled with blessings and healing. I have never witnessed as many
blessings and miracles as I did during the months surrounding our divorce. I
was constantly being blessed by the Lord. Divorce should not be an option but
sometimes there is no way around it. I knew that getting a divorce was the best
thing for my baby and I and the Lord confirmed this to me by surrounding us
with his love. I made a choice to move on from a life that was holding me back, from a life that was filled with loneliness and sadness. I made a choice that would allow me to find the happiness my daughter and I deserved.
