Choices

“I have been thinking recently about choices and their consequences. Scarcely an hour of the day goes by but what we are called upon to make choices of one sort or another. Some are trivial, some more far-reaching. Some will make no difference in the eternal scheme of things, and others will make all the difference (President Thomas S. Monson, “The Three Rs of Choice”, General Conference October 2010).”

Our choices affect us. They affect our family. They shape and create who we are and who we become. Some choices are trivial while others make lasting impressions that affect ourselves and those around us. I personally have suffered rejection and betrayal from the selfish choices of someone else. I am a victim of infidelity and have had to overcome the struggles of being a single mother to a young baby because my husband chose others over the person he claimed he would love and protect the most. 

My husband's choices forced me into a new reality that I did not want to accept. I couldn’t be divorced and a single mom at the age of 21. One minute my life seemed so perfect and the next it was flipped completely upside down. I spent countless nights crying and praying, asking why did this happen? How could this have happened? When did I stop being enough? I never received the answers to these questions and I don’t know if I ever will. The only person who could answer them is the one that chose to turn away from his family and I don’t know if he can even answer them. He got caught up in the temptations of the world and he lost his fight with Satan. The choices that my husband made will haunt me and our daughter forever. It has been over a year since that night that he chose another over his family and I can still feel the effects from it. He not only chose someone else once but he continued to choose that person and many others over and over.

The feelings of betrayal, rejection, heartache, fear and anger that come from infidelity are so overwhelming they can be crushing. They are feelings I never thought that I would have to experience. They are feelings I didn’t know I could possess. The only thing that brought me comfort during that dark time was my sweet innocent baby. She was only six months old when my husband and I separated. She knew something wasn’t quite right but she was a constant ray of sunshine. She was the only thing that could get me out of bed when the heartache was too much to bear. She was the only one that could make me smile when I didn’t think I would be able to manage a smile ever again. Without her I would still be struggling to get up in the morning with a purpose, I would still be holding onto a relationship that was broken beyond repair. She gave me the strength and courage to make a choice that would allow us to move on and have a life full of happiness.

The months following our separation were months mostly filled with darkness. They were months full of lies and deceit but there were also moments filled with blessings and healing. I have never witnessed as many blessings and miracles as I did during the months surrounding our divorce. I was constantly being blessed by the Lord. Divorce should not be an option but sometimes there is no way around it. I knew that getting a divorce was the best thing for my baby and I and the Lord confirmed this to me by surrounding us with his love. I made a choice to move on from a life that was holding me back, from a life that was filled with loneliness and sadness. I made a choice that would allow me to find the happiness my daughter and I deserved. 

Our choices define us. I made the choice to walk away from a relationship that was destined for failure. I chose to become a single mother and raise my daughter all on my own. It was one of the scariest and hardest decisions I have ever had to make. That decision helped shape me into who I am today. I am a stronger person because of the choices I have been forced to make. Sometimes others don’t make the best choices and the consequences of their actions affect us. We can take the repercussions of their choices lying down or we can take a stand. I took a stand and the Lord blessed me. He blessed me for having the courage to make the decision to follow His counsel. He blessed me for having faith to stand up for what I knew was best for my daughter and I. If we make choices that are in line with what the Lord wants us to do then he will bless us beyond anything we could ever imagine.