Forgiveness

“I wish today to speak of forgiveness. I think it may be the greatest virtue on earth, and certainly the most needed. There is so much of meanness and abuse, of intolerance and hatred. There is so great a need for repentance and forgiveness (President Gordon B. Hinckley, “Forgiveness”, October 2005 General Conference).”

Forgiveness is one thing that I have really struggled with lately. I’m sure it’s something that we all struggle with from time to time. I have never been one to hold grudges but how do you look at the person who ruined the life you thought you had and forgive them? How do you let go of all of the hurt, anger, and betrayal? The only answer that I have for these questions is through the Atonement of Christ. We all make mistakes and we come to this Earth to learn and grow from them. Sometimes the consequences of our mistakes hurt those around us. Since none of us are perfect we are constantly having to forgive and forget those who have wronged us. We must also learn to forgive ourselves for the mistakes we make. The Lord knows every sin we commit but yet he is still willing to forgive and love us for our mistakes. He still sees our infinite worth despite our imperfections; the least we can do is return the favor to our fellow brothers and sisters while on this Earth. 

Over the last year I have tried so hard to move on and forgive those who have been disrespectful and uncaring towards my daughter and I. I have been unfairly called heartless, rude, seflish, and just plain mean by some who I used to have the highest respect for just because I have chosen to take a stand to protect my daughter the best that I can. Their childish behavior affects my daughter and I more than they probably realize. They may feel like their unkind words will get their point across better but those words leave lasting impressions on the receiving end; impressions that don’t ever completely go away. Those mean and thoughtless words will always echo in the back of my mind, making me doubt myself and my individual worth. They will eventually fade but they will always, always be there. No one has the right to make a person feel worthless and meaningless. The Lord sees our infinite value every single day despite what others may think and say.

President Gordon B. Hinckley put it perfectly, “Somehow forgiveness, with love and tolerance, accomplishes miracles that can happen in no other way.” Forgiveness can be hard but it is possible with the help of the Lord. No matter how deeply we are hurt we can always turn to the Lord for help in softening our hearts. Holding grudges and being unforgiving hurts us more than it hurts the other person. The Lord doesn’t want us to have to deal with that hurt and anger by ourselves. He is always there, waiting for us to turn to him to release the dark feelings so that we can be filled with love and light. The only way we can be filled with the light of Christ is by letting go of all the hurt, anger, and betrayal that we feel. When we are finally able to do this, it will feel like a burden has been removed from us and we will be blessed with miracles for our willingness to forgive.  

Blessings

“You may not have gone where you had in mind, but you will end up where you need to be with better blessings.”

        Al Fox Carraway

I never would have imagined that just four years after graduating high school I would be where I am today. I had such high hopes and dreams for the future. In high school my friends and I would always talk about the day that we would find the man we were going to marry and would live a life full of happiness and love. I had always imagined that I would go to college, find my Prince Charming and live happily ever after. That’s what happens to every one right? Not exactly. My life didn’t turn out quite the way I had planned. Just after one short semester of college I thought I had found the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with. We were married a year later and divorced a year after that. Instead of having my happily ever after I was forced into a reality that was far from perfect. I was divorced and a single mom at the age of 21 which is not exactly the perfect life I had dreamed I would be living.

Even though my life may not have turned out the way I had hoped or planned I wouldn’t change it for anything. Everything that I went through was worth it because I gained a beautiful baby daughter and I couldn’t imagine a life without her. She has saved me in more ways than I can count. My story is different than most but Heavenly Father knew everything that I would have to endure during this life. Our life on Earth isn’t meant to be easy and there is a purpose behind every trial that we must endure. My testimony and faith in the gospel were tried and tested because of the trials that I had to face but the Lord’s love was constantly there during my time of need making it impossible to doubt the truthfulness of the gospel. The Lord will always be there to help us in our time of need. He will welcome us with open arms no matter how far we have strayed.

Despite everything that I have faced I know I still have a chance to live my life to its highest potential. I can still feel my Heavenly Father’s love in my life and I know he has a plan that is so much bigger than what I can see right now. Divorce is devastating and causes many scars that will never fully heal, only fade with time. Recently, I have realized that those scars will always be there, interfering with my relationships with others. I have struggled with commitment and opening up to others from fear of being hurt and rejected. Instead of being open and letting people in I tend to push them away and build up barriers as a defense mechanism to keep my heart safe. I only pray that time will allow my heart to fully open up again and allow others in. I hope that after some time I will be able to commit to the Prince Charming that will loving and willing accept my daughter and I.

My life has not turned out the way I wanted it too but I know that it has turned out the way the Lord wanted it too. I don’t understand why everything has happened the way it has but there is a reason for everything. The Lord sees the bigger picture. He brings people into our lives for a reason, whether it’s temporarily or forever. He brings them into our lives at the exact moment we need them most. The Lord knows what he is doing and he knows timing better than we do. Sometimes we may feel like we aren’t ready for something but if we trust in the Lord he will bless us with the courage and strength to move on and live the life we deserve.  I know that there is a better life waiting for my daughter and I. One day I will be able to live the life that I have always dreamed of. I will have found my Prince Charming that has been prepared for my daughter and I. He will be able to step into our family and be the husband and father that we so desperately need to make our little family whole. I will finally have my happily ever after; there will just be one little person in my perfect ending that I wasn’t counting on.