Blessings

“You may not have gone where you had in mind, but you will end up where you need to be with better blessings.”

        Al Fox Carraway

I never would have imagined that just four years after graduating high school I would be where I am today. I had such high hopes and dreams for the future. In high school my friends and I would always talk about the day that we would find the man we were going to marry and would live a life full of happiness and love. I had always imagined that I would go to college, find my Prince Charming and live happily ever after. That’s what happens to every one right? Not exactly. My life didn’t turn out quite the way I had planned. Just after one short semester of college I thought I had found the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with. We were married a year later and divorced a year after that. Instead of having my happily ever after I was forced into a reality that was far from perfect. I was divorced and a single mom at the age of 21 which is not exactly the perfect life I had dreamed I would be living.

Even though my life may not have turned out the way I had hoped or planned I wouldn’t change it for anything. Everything that I went through was worth it because I gained a beautiful baby daughter and I couldn’t imagine a life without her. She has saved me in more ways than I can count. My story is different than most but Heavenly Father knew everything that I would have to endure during this life. Our life on Earth isn’t meant to be easy and there is a purpose behind every trial that we must endure. My testimony and faith in the gospel were tried and tested because of the trials that I had to face but the Lord’s love was constantly there during my time of need making it impossible to doubt the truthfulness of the gospel. The Lord will always be there to help us in our time of need. He will welcome us with open arms no matter how far we have strayed.

Despite everything that I have faced I know I still have a chance to live my life to its highest potential. I can still feel my Heavenly Father’s love in my life and I know he has a plan that is so much bigger than what I can see right now. Divorce is devastating and causes many scars that will never fully heal, only fade with time. Recently, I have realized that those scars will always be there, interfering with my relationships with others. I have struggled with commitment and opening up to others from fear of being hurt and rejected. Instead of being open and letting people in I tend to push them away and build up barriers as a defense mechanism to keep my heart safe. I only pray that time will allow my heart to fully open up again and allow others in. I hope that after some time I will be able to commit to the Prince Charming that will loving and willing accept my daughter and I.

My life has not turned out the way I wanted it too but I know that it has turned out the way the Lord wanted it too. I don’t understand why everything has happened the way it has but there is a reason for everything. The Lord sees the bigger picture. He brings people into our lives for a reason, whether it’s temporarily or forever. He brings them into our lives at the exact moment we need them most. The Lord knows what he is doing and he knows timing better than we do. Sometimes we may feel like we aren’t ready for something but if we trust in the Lord he will bless us with the courage and strength to move on and live the life we deserve.  I know that there is a better life waiting for my daughter and I. One day I will be able to live the life that I have always dreamed of. I will have found my Prince Charming that has been prepared for my daughter and I. He will be able to step into our family and be the husband and father that we so desperately need to make our little family whole. I will finally have my happily ever after; there will just be one little person in my perfect ending that I wasn’t counting on.